My first 'gun in the face'

Well, I guess it was only a matter of time considering the fact that London has a much higher crime rate than New York, but I got mugged yesterday evening in South London. Suffice it to say last night was one of the more surreal evenings I’ve had in my life.

Already I knew it was going to be an interesting night because I was finally going to go visit my friend who lives in a boat in the Thames. No, he’s not a pirate, but he sold his flat and bought a sailing boat, and lives in it in a quay next to Canary Wharf. The easiest way to get there from where I live is to take a boat, there’s a public transport boat that runs up and down the Thames called the Thames Clipper. It was almost completely empty, but had amazing views going down the river. I’m thinking when my family comes to visit this weekend I’ll take them on that rather than a boat cruise, it’s faster and cheaper.

When we arrived at the Greenland Pier Dock a few people got off, but it was mostly deserted. It’s a mix of boats docked and really nice flats, generally a pleasant-looking, expensive area. It reminded me of Roosevelt Island actually. My friend was running late to meet me so I went for a walk to explore. I came across this floating bar in a ship called the Wibbly Wobbly. Then my friend showed up. It was 7:30pm.

London hoodies

Josh and I went to lunch yesterday, he's staying at the YMCA down the street from my office while he looks for a flat. We were sitting outside at a café at about the time schools let out, and of course, the madness began. Before long there was a deafening chorus of screaming adolescents, making noises reminiscent of something from Apocalypse Now. I turned to him and remarked, "welcome to London."

We both agreed that one of the first things you notice when moving to London is how obnoxious the kids are. I mean no joke, they're awful! Josh should know, he lived here for a year for school before moving back to New York in November, and now he's moved back.

There's a housing estate next to my office, and every day around 3 pm this cacophony of noise begins from the courtyard, bouncing off the prefabricated walls and pouring through our closed office windows. It honestly sounds like a village of women are getting raped and killed. For some reason, the teenage girls here enjoy screaming at the top of their lungs as if they're getting a red hot poker shoved into them. It's so bizarre.

The first time it happened at the office I jumped up and ran to the window, thinking someone was being attacked. I was so confused when the rest of my office just kept calmly sitting at their desks doing their work. They then explained to me that these were just the mating noises of the "hoodies," teenage hoodlums. Apparently everyone here is just used to it by now.

Chav-bashing

It’s freaking cold here! The temperature dropped dramatically on Monday, ending what had been a very mild weather streak the past few weeks. I was actually lulled into thinking that was going to be how it was all the time. I had read that the average temperature here in January is 5 C (42 F), but this week it’s been consistently 0 C (32 F). I guess it snowed overnight because there’s snow on everything this morning.

Whenever the temperature changes I get a cold, so of course I’m now sick. Although this may have something to do with the ridiculous amount of alcohol I drank Saturday night in Cologne. It was fun but made for a miserable plane ride back.

I thought I would write today about this really interesting idea here of “the chav,” a concept which doesn’t have any direct translation in American English but has some close relatives based on regions. Chavs are sort of a euphemism for “the great unwashed,” low-income, ignorant people preoccupied with tacky designer fashions. The defining features of the stereotype include clothing in the Burberry pattern (notably a now-discontinued baseball cap) and other things such as tracksuits, hoodies and sweatpants. Ali G was a caricature of this type of person. Vicky Pollard from Little Britain is another example of such a caricature.

I suppose our analogous terms might be a “Guido,” or in New York, the “bridge and tunnel” crowd. However these terms only apply to people in specific regions of the Northeast. “White trash” might be another comparable example, but this term tends to be applied more to rural populations in the US, rather than chavs who are typically more urban.